Monday, February 28, 2005

What I think when I see comic book covers...

A massive ape fighting a pterodactyl, and in the middle, a robot soldier.

If anybody wonders why I love dc comics, it's all right there.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

He Wendt before his time.

Staring: Chris McKenna,Kari Wuhrer,Daniel Baldwin,Ron Livingston, and George Wendt.

Directed by Stuart Gordon

IMDB Plot Outline: A young drifter discovers his true calling.

This movie was made by the same production company as Vampires vs. Zombies. I can only assume that they make shit like that to pay for OK films like this one. It's not that great for a Stuart Gordon film, but probably the best film a number of these actors have been in. It deals with a young house painter (McKenna) getting a job offer from his coworker (Wendt) who also sometimes works for a mob boss (Baldwin). The mob boss offers the kid money to watch a local city council member (Livingston). While watching him, the kid gets a crush on his wife(Wuhrer). After a week of this the mob boss drunkenly orders the kid to kill the council member. And this all leads to nudity, hallucinations, torture, and mass murder.

There are a couple of reasons to see this. But none will ever be as convincing as the severed head of George Wendt.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Some random crapola

While flipping through the channels on the TV last night, I almost left it on and started watching Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. I want a hot poker to burn out the part of my brain that almost made me do that. Because I don't need that in me.

While watching Faust, I was just realizing how completely obsessive compulsive the dark powers of Satan are. How often do you hear that to summon the devil you have to walk past a church and then say his name five times. What the fuck is next? do I have to wash my hands twelve times too? I want dark powers, not OCD.

The other day I watched Dokken's dream warrior music video. I feel no shame in admitting that I got goose bumps at the point when Dokken was defeating the evil of Freddy Kruger through power of metal.

At last I have found a substitute for smoking that actually works. And that substitute is Tetris. Every time I wanna smoke, I play a game. it works. This will be the third time Nintendo has saved my life.

So Hunter S. Thompson killed himself. I'm gonna rent Where the Buffalo Roam and read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, but that's all I'll eulogize a guy who blows his brains out for his son to find.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Quote Of The Year

"Seriously, some of you are certifiably insane...."

Ethan Van Sciver on the usual retarded antics of some of the members of the John Byrne forum.

For those with strong stomachs, Here's the link.

For those who don't want to bother (and i don't blame you), it was in response to the fact that apparently, to quite a few people there, this comic book cover is homoerotic.

and my personal little imput :

I call bullshit on you, you pathetic, homophobic mother fuckers.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Friday, February 18, 2005

What I think when I see comic book covers...

It makes me a little uncomfortable that superman is so distracted by underage hitchhikers. But then again, the kid is in the middle of nowhere.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Corey's Comic Critique

Cable & Deadpool # 12 : I like this comic, God help me, but I do.

Tom Strong # 31 : this comic hasn't been the same without Alan Moore. I like character still so I'll stick around a little longer.

Human Target # 19 : what is it with DC putting out great books that nobody reads?

Ocean # 4 : I'm digging this. it's Warren Ellis so that's almost guarantied. oh and if this comic ever gets turned into a film, Inspector Kane must be played by Avery Brooks .

Ex-Machina # 8 : this is just solid all the way through. I'm with this comic for the long haul.

Switchblade Honey : the best thing I've read in a long time that's even remotely related to star trek (even if it's essentially making fun of it).

The Authority - Revolution # 5 : I'm not sure where this is going, but it's the most interesting the authority has been in a while.

Manhunter # 7 : Read this book. Don't make it another good DC comic that slips through the cracks.

Hawkman # 37 : I'm glad this book is still around. With katar hol in the next issue, it should be pretty interesting.

She - Hulk # 12 : the end of the first "season". I'll definitely be back the for the second.

Astonishing X-Men # 8 : the best x-men book out there right now. That's not saying much, but I'm still enjoying it.

Adventures of Superman # 637 : it's ok, but I don't think superman suits Rucka as well as Batman did. That being said, I do like it better than the Casey run, more feeling to it.

Teen Titans # 21 : I like the addition of the new speedy. I wonder when Doctor Light is gonna tell the kids what their mentor's have done? should be fun.

JLA Classified # 4 : oh man. Guy Gardner in a leisure suit. I think that's all I need to say about this.

Green Lantern - Rebirth # 4 : it's fan boy centric, but I'm still getting a kick out of it. I like having Hal Jordan back as a green lantern, but I hope by issue six we find Hal feasting on batman's brains like the zombie he is.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

My Top Ten Random Thoughts

1) I am really enjoying green lantern rebirth. But I'm not a member of HEAT, who would have thought?

2) If I ever become part of the royal family I wish to be known as the Duke of Pornography.

3) I am very close to the point of dropping all the spiderman books. after buying them for at least twelve years, that just blows.

4) All I need right now is a well done steak and a beer. And maybe for john candy to return from the grave.

5) I saw the video for Queens Of The Stone Age's "Little Sister". It's growing on me, but I don't know if it can measure up to the stuff from "Songs For The Deaf". it'll be good though.

6) A buddy of mine flew his plane over my house. That's just cool.

7) so the beatles are my favorite band, and i think the white album is their best album. so you would think that would be my favorite album. nope. how can it compare to This?

8) I think cinema will reach it's crescendo when we finally get the ultimate movie: James Bond Vs Dracula.

9) Never watch dracula 3000. Read that twenty times.

10) I have a deep need to know the percentage of people in America that drive in their underwear.

Monday, February 14, 2005

What I think when I see comic book covers...

i've got two for this:

And then they're gonna die!


"Testing". Is that what they called it back then?

Friday, February 11, 2005

Corey's Comic Critique

Demo # 3 : a great book. As realistic a characterization as you can get with people that get super powers. thanks to Dorian for pointing it out to me.

The Thunderbolts # 5 : silly marvel universe fun. why not?

Ultimate X - Men # 56 : I like that they are playing with the sexual ambiguity of colossus. Also mojo makes me sick in any universe.

The Walking Dead # 15 : I'm starting to feel like this book is spinning it's wheels. Even the shock ending isn't helping me keep interest.

Bloodhound# 8 : another good new Dcu character that didn't catch on with readers. I'll miss this comic.

Breach # 2: not bad, but it's not really grabbing me just yet. I'll give it a little bit longer.

Captain America # 3 : the best cap book in long time. Ed Brubaker is impressing me. this is the way Captain America should be written.

Aquaman # 27 : not much going on here. it's bubble gum, but it's a tasty bubble gum.

Punisher # 17 : it's ennis on punisher. It's good. I wonder what marvel is going to do when he finally decides he's done. My guess? Micro 2.0 .

Green Arrow # 47 : the art's not doing a lot for me, but it has the Duke of Oil, so it gets an A+. I don't understand people who have a problem with Mia being HIV positive. if you can't be socially conscious in green arrow, where can you?

The Ultimates 2 #3 : Mark Millar can only write one good book a month. this is it.

Young Avengers # 1: I was hesitant about this, but Mike told me it was all right, so I gave it a shot. It was alright. it shows a decent knowledge of the marvel universe and a competent ability to write an interesting story. I'll stick around for a little bit.

The Outsiders # 20 : The splash page of android/metamorpho clone sex was truly disgusting, so thumbs up on that.

The Incredible Hulk # 78 : no one can write the hulk like Peter David. I'm glad he's back.

Marvel Knights Spiderman # 11 : remember what I said about the Ultimates? still true.

Vimanarama #1: I have no Idea what's going on but I'm interested.

Majestic # 2 : I'm digging this more than the Joe Casey run. Maybe it's the fact that the team of Abnett and Lanning can keep the science in the story and also put in a little action.

Action Comics # 824 : it's OK but nothing to write home about.

JSA # 70 : I loves me the Per Degaton. There wasn't enough sand and sandman interaction for me, but it was still a good story.

JLA # 111 : the crime syndicate story line has been fun. It's been refreshing after the pain of the gods and the seventh circle story lines. It's been nice to look forward to reading jla again. add jla classified 1-3 and the jla line is doing damn good.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

What I think when I see comic book covers...

Behind the scenes at dc comics if this were created by morons

The editor: oh man, we need a new superman comic.

The writer: I got it dude, my girlfriend portia is so mean sometimes, I was thinking like my girlfriend can take on superman or something.

The Editor: OK, but we need a hook. Maybe she could be an alien. No, we did that last week, how about a pirate?

The writer: oh yeah, that's great. Portia loves dogs too. we should put that in there. Maybe they'll shoot cosmic energy out of there mouths. That would rule.

The editor: that sounds good, I'll give it to Doug to do the art.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

What I think when I see comic book covers...

Not only does he displace billions of gallons of water in a vain homage to himself, he doesn't allow people to look at it? What a douche bag.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Some changes going on around here.

Since I don't have that lovable rapscallion Jason Voorhees on my banner anymore, I'm no longer a Hero To The Hydrocephalic. Just plain old Captain Corey.

Thanks to my brother Chad for all his Photoshop work.

I've also added some new folks to the living dead section, check them all out.

So fox is pulling a commercial during the super bowl that has Mickey Rooney's bare ass in it. God damn it. And here I thought I'd be done with the photomaipulations I've downloaded. looks like I'll have to pay for another year at

After some searching online, i found my pal Mike's favorite movie of all time.

The Cats History Of Western Art.

Bloody - Disgusting has an interview with Sam Raimi when he speaks of both an Evil Dead 4 as well as a remake. i'm all about Evil Dead 4, but if the remake looks like some of the other films Sam has produced lately, I've got some reservations about it.

Fuck'd. a film by my favorite green lantern, Hal Jordan.

What I think when I see comic book covers...

Mogo The Bat Ape..... This might be the best comic book cover ever.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

A Yeti movie ....oh boy.

Staring: Alan Brock, Jennifer Stock, Tawm Ellis , and Michael Harris.

Directed by
Michael Findlay

Tag Line : It walks. It stalks. It tears the shriek out of your throat.

Ok, I just want to say that this is one of the most boring movies I've ever seen. There might be a few that are worse, but this is right up there. So it's a Yeti Movie. When I think about a movie about a yeti, it seems so wonderful, so enjoyable. But that is a fantasy that is not based in reality, because if there is a yeti and or sasquatch movie out there, odds are it's a piece of crap.

So the basic plot is two college professors take some of their students up to a cabin in the woods to see if they can find proof of the existence of yetis. At least 30 minutes of this film is barely audible conversations and pointless party scenes. Now, I can handle parties in a movies, but if characters are talking I think maybe they would let the audience in on it. But no, they would rather have a poor man's version of Question Mark and the Mysterians playing instead of dialog, part of me thinks that this is a good thing, because the acting in this film is worse than the worst Troma movie. Of this, I have no doubt. but still call me selfish, but I like a little exposition every now and then in a film, if I wanted to watch a half an hour of dancing, I'd walk to the salvation army and buy a copy of MTV's the grind. Then the music stops and we get the standard troubled person, warning the group that they are going to be doomed, I like to call this the Crazy Ralph Syndrome(or C.R.S. For Short). Apparently this man's best friend was killed by the yeti, so he comes to the party and bums everyone out then leaves. He gets home and for no reason, he cuts his girlfriends throat. Then to clean the blood off of himself he gets into a bathtub fully clothed and starts drinking a beer, but the girlfriend, who is a fucking navy seal apparently, crawls into the bathroom with a toaster and throws it into the bath tub and kills her boyfriend just before she dies herself. What does this mean? My guess, (since the film makers don't give you any sort of explanation) is that when you witness the yeti, it drives you mad. So the main characters all head up to the cabin and then comes even more endless music. But at least immediately after the song ends, we get introduced to a new character: Sitting Leaf -- the mute Indian who is neither mute nor Indian.

It was at this moment I had a horrific epiphany, this movie is not unique. there are dozens of films that are just like this. So after I grabbed a couple beers out of the fridge, I continued the film.

It was at this point we got our first couple of yeti kills out of the movie. I'm telling you, that yeti is hilarious. the yeti outfit is nothing but a white fur suit and wig, with fake teeth and lip stick. i would have laughed my ass of at it if the first half of the film hadn't sucked most of the human feeling out of me. so the main male and female characters (i apologize for not remembering their names, the brain power it would have taken to remember was used up trying to keep myself from shutting of the dvd player) saddened by the deaths of their friends, now decide it's a perfect time to start making out. while the wonderfully uncomfortable romance was happening, the two professors use the bodies of the other two dead kids as bait for the yeti. the main male character and the main female character leave the cabin and run into the woods, they become separated, and the girl comes back to the cabin, where she is stalked by the yeti, she locks herself into the bathroom where sitting leaf the false mute Indian, appears to be dead, then he looks at her and with tomahawk in hand is about to cleave her, she runs out of the room ends up in the living room, and sees the yeti and has a heart attack. the yeti bends down to look at her and then straightens up and takes off the mask as we find that the yeti has been one of the professors the whole time. next we see a number of cars parking in front of the cabin, and the main male character comes back to find a dinner party with the two professors as well as the dinner guests which is a multi national rainbow of races, he asks where his girlfriend is, and his told that the yeti is a tool to throw the authorities of their trail and that they are part of a satanic cannibal society. then they tell him that he's been eating humans the entire time at the cabin and he didn't know it, and that the girl was scared to death in accordance with their rules. then sitting leaf wheels the girlfriend out on a massive plater and the boyfriend goes nuts and tries to escape and is stabbed viciously eating utensils by everyone at the party, barely conscious he looks up at sitting leaf asks him if he likes light meat or dark meat. the end.

This film was insane. You'd probably be better off not watching it. But if you do, I suggest a liberal amount of any alcoholic beverage and a group of friends to watch it with, because you do not want to watch this film sober and alone.