Friday, October 22, 2004

OK folks, here is the deal. I got very sick and needed some bed rest for a little bit. I'm still on the road to recovery so subjecting myself to really shitty movies would be an unwise move health wise right now. But I'll be back with more awful film reviews than ever.

With love and landmines

Captain Corey

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Witness Pat Morita paying off his water bill.


staring Jesse Cameron-Glickenhaus, Pat Morita , Michelle Williams ,Veronica Cameron-Glickenhaus, and Michael Dorn

directed by James Glickenhaus

First off, I would like to say that I did not rent or buy this movie, that is was given as a gift. I think I feel both honored and offended when I think about that now. This is a movie about an alternate time line where time travelers go to every era and have gladiatorial combat with their agents, all in an effort to win the most important drug ever created, "blue". Once you've taken blue, you need regular doses or you'll die of old age. Because, of course, blue is a drug that stops the ageing process. I think we all saw this plot coming when we saw that Pat Morita was in it. Young Jessie is who lives with his sister at orphanage is apparently the master of time as he now dreams about how his father is one of the best time gladiators, this makes him run away but not before haven't the worst acted scene, I have ever scene that was not done by chimps. His goodbye to his sister is so bad; you think that the emotional connection would be there because of the fact that really is his sister playing his sister. But no such luck, he leaves and this leads him to Pat Morita who guides him through time for no apparent reason. We see many stupid sights and are supposed to be awed at the time stream which is basically bubbles. he goes to the old west and meets Michelle Williams, they get friendly and they hop back to the future, where we now see his sister has become a biker chick and basically hates him for abandoning her all while Michael Dorn's henchmen (oh did I forget to tell you that he was the mastermind behind the whole gladiator thing? sorry.) chase them off to go bouncing with time bubbles again. It all ends with well with Pat Morita explaining that his is addicted to blue, and that the world won't explode because of Michael Dorn. Things go back to normal and everyone is happy.

Now, one of the many things that bugged me about this movie would be the obvious nepotism. Jesse Cameron-Glickenhaus plays Jessie. Veronica Cameron-Glickenhaus plays Veronica. The movie is directed by James Glickenhaus, their father. Now, Jessie was in three movies according to, all three directed by his father, in all three of them he was named Jessie. This blows my mind. I'm ok with nepotism, because I bet it must be so difficult to get into Hollywood and get started in the business. So a little short cut is fine with me, but my only stipulation is that they have some modicum of talent. Judging by what I've seen, the Glickenhaus children could not act their way out of paper sack. I mean, just the fact that all of Jessie's characters are named Jessie proves that, he obviously had a hard time responding to a name that wasn't his, but I don't blame them; I blame their father, who is obviously one of those parents that forces their kids into something they don't want to do. Please people, if you think your kid is cute and can act, don't do it. Don't make them into another Jessie Cameron Glickenhaus.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

"It's insane, this guy's taint"

Man, do I feel like shit. I feel so damn weak. I'm sure going through a bit of nicotine withdrawal dosen't help. But the worst part is that I wanted to head to the beach today. That is so not happening.

On the bright side, I did just watch the Mr. Show fourth season DVD. That's some wonderful stuff. I fucking love that monk academy sketch. So fantastic.

You know, I just absolutely love the law & order shows.

so I read ultimate spider-man #66, and I just found it funny how when a fan asks in a letter in powers, if the ultimate spider-man will ever meet the original spider-man and bedis says " eww, what is this, dc?" yet he has wolverine and spider-man having switched bodies. Oh that's right, only dc does the totally unbelievable shit, I'm sorry I forgot.

The only thing I truly love about the bush presidency, is the fact that the I could totally see the first lady catching squirrels and ripping off their heads with her teeth.. And that's pretty awesome.

Friday, October 01, 2004

Green Lantern - Homecoming?

So the "Homecoming?" story line in green lantern just finished. And I have to say, I'm glad this might be the last time Ron Marz writes green lantern. while my favorite green lantern is Hal Jordan, don't let that make you think that I'm a Kyle hater. I'm a fan of all green lanterns. but Kyle under Ron Marz was not much of a character in my mind. they tried to make him too much like Peter Parker in my opinion. and it wasn't until Judd Winick came on the book that the character actually started to grow. but Hal is coming back and they needed to rap up Kyle's book. i was hoping Mr. Marz would not return Kyle to the way he was when the character was created, but for all intents and purposes he did. the moment Ron comes on board, Kyle's like turns to shit and he starts the self pity ride. there's also the fact of the book completely retreading old territory, but I still could see this story possibly having a nice conclusion it didn't have it. In the final issue in the arc Kyle is about to murder major force and then all of a sudden Kyle suddenly listens to this man he wants dead, and gets talked into giving up his ring. This is not the character I have come to like. I hope that Kyle is written better under Geoff Johns than he was under his creator.