Sunday, January 30, 2005

The Power Of The Written Word

Recently, I've been on adventures in Central Asia and have been crowned king of a small Mongolian village. I'm working on getting a book published about my story, I'll give you a gander at the table of contents.

Dr. Kong's Manual For Oriental Love

Foreword By Richard Moll

Chapter 1: Masterful Rough Handjobs.
Chapter 2: Egg Whites & Nipples.
Chapter 3: Faith No More & The Clitoris
Chapter 4: High-G Reach Arounds
Chapter 5: The London Philharmonic
Chapter 6: Nintendo Power Gloves & Lube
Chapter 7: Crack Whores & Their Beneficial Effect On The World Economy
Chapter 8: Phoebe Cates's Ass
Chapter 9: Reverse psychology & The Foreskin
Chapter 10: Eskimo Kisses In The Japanese Tea Garden
Chapter 11: Titties On Flame With Rock & Roll

I'm hearing things, and I don't want to jinx them, but I think it'll be published by LucasArts.

Friday, January 28, 2005

I tire of this society.

I need to find a group of men and women who stalk beasts in the night, who wear paint to bring themselves into symmetry with the animal, who hunt down their food with a viciousness that is tempered by their humble pagan prayers. There would be no lies, because differences are solved on the field of battle. Where there aren't envious sycophants, vegans, christians, buddhists, muslims, and whatever other false belief that takes you away from the hunt and the sword. For the sword is life.

I heed your word oh mighty Beastmaster!

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

What I think when I see comic book covers...

Alien cavemen are well known for their kleptomania. And for the men of their species to vaguely look like Ernest Borgnine.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

It cuts like a knife, but it feels alright.

Staring : Yuliya Vysotskaya, Sultan Islamov ,Stanislav Varkki, Marina Politsejmako , and Bryan Adams.

Written & Directed by Andrei Konchalovsky

IMDB Plot Summary: Psychiatric patients become entrenched in the Chechen War after the staff split to find them a safer hospital. Soldiers take over the asylum, and then, a young female patient (Vysotskaya) falls in love with soldier (Islamov), which leaves her imaginary boyfriend, Bryan Adams (playing himself), in a lurch. Based on a true story.

i saw the info for this on my satellite information and knew i had to watch it. even though it was really late. this film was a lot better than i expected. when you see Bryan Adams in a movie cast, you think twice about the quality of the movie. I have never seen a film that can go from cute to depressing and back again as many times as i did in House of Fools. this film goes many places, you are shown that madness can be adorable as well as terrifying. It also gives you feeling of how it is brother against brother when a society has a civil war. And of course, it shows you Bryan Adams. This is one of the better movies I have seen in quite a while. I highly recommend it.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

It's got a death curse!

So my computer has crashed two times in as many weeks. This has almost pushed me into a Ted Kaczynski mind set. But rather than bitch slap my computer and move to a log cabin in the woods, I'm just going to post less frequently for a little while. You will be forced to go one of the many other blogs that post comic book covers as well as one of the many sites that contain goofy horror movie reviews. But to ensure you stick around, I'll leave you with one of the few things I was lucky enough to save before my PC went kaput the first time.

A Ridiculous picture taken from my digital camera of Chewbacca's son Lumpy from the star wars holiday special.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

What I think when I see comic book covers...

That's what happens when you alter a dog's genes. They become awesome and shoot fire from their mouths.

Friday, January 07, 2005

Wes, what goes on in that brain of yours?

Staring:Brandon Quintin Adams,Everett McGill,Wendy Robie,A.J. Langer, and Ving Rhames.

Written and Directed by
Wes Craven

IMDB Plot Outline: Juvenile burglars break into a house occupied by a brother and sister and their inbred children.

Good Lord, Wes Craven is hit or miss. Everything I love and hate about the movie I can sum up with the ending. A house explodes with money flying everywhere, then a block party starts and mutants wander the streets.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

What I think when I see comic book covers...

If you want me to buy a comic book, This is what you put on the cover. There is no thought involved, just instinct. I will give someone money to have that.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Thank you, Pat O'Brien. For showing what a caring human you are.

You know what I love? I love these tabloid TV shows like access Hollywood and the insider. I was flipping through the channels last night, and I came upon their special tsunami coverage. It seems like the most important thing that happened was a white super model survived while her boyfriend went missing. Forget the hundreds of thousands of lives lost, a beautiful white woman is grieving. And while showing the devastation, they were playing rave music. I call bullshit on you, tabloid "news". Fuck you and your cold fucking hearts.

Monday, January 03, 2005

What I think when I see comic book covers...

How are you supposed to be taken seriously as a gang if you dress like that? Even in a world with robin the boy wonder that outfit is ridiculous. Maybe it's like prison and you don't mess with the ones who are crazy.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

They don't make movies like this anymore. Well, ok , they do. But they fail miserably.


Staring: Candace Hilligoss,Frances Feist,Sidney Berger, and Stan Levitt.

Directed by
Herk Harvey

IMDB Plot Outline: After a traumatic accident, a woman becomes drawn to a mysterious abandoned carnival.

After being desensitized by blood and guts, it's nice to see a good old fashion horror movie. The best part of the movie is atmosphere but there are some genuinely creepy moments. It has a feeling of being much newer than a lot of the other horror movies of the time. It could be mainly because it takes place in this century rather than 18th century England. But I truly see this as one of the marking stones for which horror changed. The visuals from this movie must have influenced many other horror movies as well as punk rock bands. The Night Of The Living Dead no doubt was influenced by this. The wave of ghost stories over the last couple years have been all right, but it just goes to show that a low budget movie made in 1962 seems more relevant than any Japanese film remade with a big budget by Hollywood.