An argument for The Gap Band by Corey Beckner.

I here by state that The Gap Band is the greatest band America ever produced.

Example A: Lyrics from the classic You Dropped A Bomb On Me.

You were my pills, you were my thrills
You were my hope, baby, you were my smoke
You dropped a bomb, hey, babe

Pure poetic genius.

Example B:

This is a picture of them in their prime, excuse the quality of the picture, such glory is difficult to capture on film.

Example C, D, and E:

The videos for

You Dropped A Bomb On Me ,

Early in the Morning,

And Party Train

My Closing Argument:

I want you to think about what I am going to ask you.

What can be better than the music made by funk cowboys?

Thank you for your time.

the greatest movie I have ever seen.

Staring : Alan Arkin ,Christopher Lee , Kate Fitzpatrick, and Michael Pate.

Directed by
Philippe Mora

Netflix Plot Summary: What happens to superheroes when they become has-beens? Captain Invincible, exiled from the U.S. during the McCarthy era, is now a hopeless alcoholic bum living in Australia. But when the sinister Mr. Midnight hatches a plan to annihilate citizens of New York City, the Captain is called back to America to save the day. First, though, he must reactivate those long-dormant superpowers! Alan Arkin and Christopher Lee co-star.


My Verdict : There is absolutely nothing I could say that would compare with just showing you a video of Christopher Lee singing about the glories of alcohol in a song written by Richard O'Brien of Rocky horror fame.

click on the amazing Christopher Lee to download the video.

Hal's trouble with space teens

Found on the something awful forums




There are couple more funny ones here, if you can make it past the blind frat boy bigotry

Six-String Samurai

Staring :Jeffrey Falcon,Justin McGuire, and Stephane Gauger As Death

Writien by
Jeffrey Falcon
Lance Mungia

Directed by
Lance Mungia


IMDB Plot Summary: In a post-apocalyptic world where the Russians have taken over a nuked USA and Elvis is king of Lost Vegas, "Six-String Samurai" chronicles the tale of Buddy (Jeffrey Falcon), a hero who's a '50s rocker and wandering warrior rolled into one, too-cool package. Armed with his six-string in one hand and his sword in the other, Buddy is on his way to Vegas to succeed Elvis as King. Along the way, he saves an orphan (Justin McGuire) who decides to play tag-along to his rescuer. What follows is the road trip from hell.

My Opinion: Six-String Samurai sucks. it has a neat premise that absolutely fails in it's delivery. the acting is the equivalent of  live action animie. it's gargantuanly awful. and the fucking kid in that movie.... if this was my child i would smother him in his sleep and then ask god what i did that angered him so. if i wanted to watch an annoying kid make random noises and generally make me uncomfortable I'd watch my old home movies. i honestly think that digging up buddy holly's bones and pissing on them is less disrespectful to him than this movie.

My Verdict: Fuck this movie, and fuck Rock & Roll for inspiring it.

Cock Soup

Hallowed Be My Name

It's a tradition in some villages in the Andes for most of the town, Men, women, and children as young as ten to wear celebratory head gear and beat the shit out of each other so viscously, that each year on average one person dies.

In Africa in a tribe, a young boy runs over the backs of five bulls as the young women in the tribe taunt a respected outsider to whip them so badly that it will leave scars for the rest of their life. In fact sometimes they have not been whipped enough so they wait until the next day and intimidate the outsider with AK 47's's and get whipped even more.

Even further proof of the harmful effect of violent video games.

News Flash! A female C.H.U.D. interviewed by Access Hollywood.

A long winded comic book review.

Green Lantern # 4 was pretty good.

What I think when I see comic book covers...

I'd call the story "The Mystery of Ernest Borgnine Mountain"

What I think when I see comic book covers...

No Joke can be made here. All I can say, is that I've never needed to read a comic more in my life.

a fine film. even without a single C.H.U.D.

Directed by
Marc Singer

IMDB Plot Summary: Near Penn Station, next to the Amtrak tracks, squatters have been living for years. Marc Singer goes underground to live with them, and films this "family." A dozen or so men and one woman talk about their lives: horrors of childhood, jail time, losing children, being coke-heads. They scavenge, they've built themselves sturdy one-room shacks; they have pets, cook, chat, argue, give each other haircuts. A bucket is their toilet. Leaky overhead pipes are a source of water for showers. They live in virtual darkness. During the filming, Amtrak gives a 30-day eviction notice.


so when i rented this film, i thought the director was the man who played Beastmaster. and my biggest memory of homeless people living in tunnels comes from he movie C. H. U. D. so i rented the film on the basis that i expected to be watching a movie about C.H.U.D.s directed by Beastmaster. or i rented it on the novelty of that idea. i was very moved by this film. one of the things that this film starts out with is one of the men climbing into the tunnels with his voice dubbed over saying ".. you'd be surprised what the mind can adjust to." and you can see it. despite having electricity and a sense of community, a human can't live like that and be happy. this movie does a great job of making you care for these people, even those who it may be difficult to. it also shows how they live and how happy they can be for something that a person in a different situation would take for granted. it has desperation and hope in equal measure. One thing I was very impressed by, was not only how talented the director was, but how much of a wonderful decent person he was. The director lived in the tunnel while filming this, sometimes by choice and others out of necessity of financing the film. Other directors would easily have put themselves into the film, his involvement is non existent in the story of the film itself, but in the extras you find that he promised he'd help get those people out of the tunnels and into apartments and he did. Singer is as humble as he is decent.

My Verdict: Dark Days is a wonderful film that is not only thought provoking and entertaining, but also a film that gives me a little more pride in humanity. Not bad for a flick I thought was directed by Beastmaster.

What I think when I see comic book covers...

The alternate story for this cover was "The Bestial flatulence of Right Hook Larry"

And I crown you, King Savini The First.

Staring : Ed Harris , Gary Lahti , Amy Ingersoll, Brother Blue, Ken Foree , Scott H. Reiniger, And Tom Savini.

Written & Directed by George A. Romero

IMDB Plot Summary : A traveling troupe of jousters and performers are slowly cracking under the pressure of hick cops, financial troubles and their failure to live up to their own ideals. The group's leader, King Billy, is increasingly unable to maintain his warrior's rule while the Black Knight is being tempted away to LA and stardom, as they all have to ask why they were here in the first place.

Tagline: The Games...The Romance...The Spirit...Camelot is a state of mind.

This movie.... I don't understand it. That doesn't make me love it any less. This film doesn't do a very good job of helping the audience understand what the Knightriders world really is. Now, at some points it seems like they are just doing a renaissance/carnival type deal and that's all it is, and others it seems like they have formed a new society and are fighting against the system. One thing I like about George Romeo is that he's a liberal. But he's better than just that, he's a working class liberal. You can see his politics in many of his films. In this film you see his opinions of greed, the corporate world, acceptance of homosexuality, and his dislike of intellectuals. He doesn't need to put these opinions in a film that has to be taken seriously. No, he doesn't mind putting these thoughts in films with zombies, or in this case, a motorcycle Camelot. Another interesting thing about this film was the fact, that it is almost the bridge between Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead, and even the Night of the Living Dead remake, because he uses so many of the same actors that this film was filled with familiar faces. The plot doesn't make much sense, and a good part of the time you think Ed Harris is going insane. Half of the time I was asking myself what the fuck this movie meant, I don't have an answer for that, but I know what it meant to me.

My Verdict: while confusing, this movie deals with important subjects. Motorcycles, Jousting, Loyalty, Coming to terms with your sexuality, Motorcycles, Honor, Carnie royalty, and Motorcycles. Camelot is a state of mind and it's of the 101 near the sewage treatment plant.

The return of the original What I think when I see comic book covers... Accept no substitutes

Hawkman is left to be eaten by sharks by deep sea centaurs? Never trust a man who is part horse and lives under water, that's what my grandpa always told me.

A quick thought.

Is Vigilante DC's Moon Knight?

random shit.

I Must see this film.

If you ever wanted to see what i look like, here's your chance

I watched the Romero zombie trilogy over the weekend and I'm damn ready to see Land of the Dead tonight.

I recommend a viewing of The Origins of AIDS. in this movie, they claim that AIDS started by a mass vaccination of an experimental polio vaccine in the Congo in the late fifties. If that's true, you can blame one man for AIDS. That's fucking nuts.

Why didn't anyone tell me that Lewis Black was in Jacob's Ladder?

My brother and I have come up with the ultimate gentleman's past time. Classy Poker. Just picture a group of well to do men playing poker (women are allowed join but only upon confirmation of written permission from her husband or father ). These men would wear top hats and smoke pipes while classical music plays in the background. And when you display your cards it is done with respect. And each move is refined and elegant. if a player is accused of cheating, he must mount his pure bred steed and defend himself from such accusations in a joust. If the proper equines cannot be obtained then a pistol duel at dawn will suffice. Maybe this is the way poker was once played, but it isn't anymore. We wish it to return to it's more civilized roots.

My blog is a little over a year old.

WEREWOLF VS. SHARK

One of the reasons God gave us eyes.

ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape

ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape abe ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape ape

Madness

kirk and spock 9/11

What I think when I see comic book covers...

The other title for the story was "Beware the outhouse of terror!"

Honest opinions, even if you don't like them.

It's worth a thousand rapes of Sue Dibny to have the return of Detective Chimp.

Can I not see Hush in a Batman comic every god damned month? There is no need for a new Azrael.

If the death of Blue Beetle makes you truly angry, than you've got some serious emotional problems. Hal Jordan is probably my favorite hero. When he went nuts, I didn't cry or demand a change in the editorial department, I read other comic books. If there is one group with an overdeveloped sense of entitlement, it most certainly is comic book fans.

The power and the glory that is The Carradine

Staring : David Carradine,Luke Askew,Anthony De Longis, and Maria Socas.

Directed by
John C. Broderick


IMDB Plot Summary : The mighty warrior, Kain, crosses the barren wastelands of the planet Ura, where two arch enemies, Zeg and the evil degenerate Balcaz, fight incessantly for control of the village's only well. Kain sees his opportunity and announces that his sword is for hire...But his eyes stay clearly on the beautiful captive sorceress Naja, and his newly awakened purpose.

This is not a good film, but it is a great one. So this is a sword and sorcery piece. But it's even more than that. Just imagine Yojimbo but with David Carradine and lizard people. It's a bizarre film. If you've seen Youjimbo or the western adaptation A Fistful of Dollars then you've seen this. The main difference is that this movie has a lizard man. A terrifying little creature that is both counsel to the obese Balcaz and I think, his vaguely implied sexual partner. This movie also has an abundance of nude women. There is an orgy, of course, but it seems a good number of the town women were given outfits that would move out of place and expose their breast if they moved in the slightest. That not even counting the Four breasted topless dancer that attempts to kill The Carradine. Oh and then there is Maria Socas. She is topless throughout the whole movie. I guess she's supposed to be the Sorceress but she shows little magical ability, unless showing your tits is some sort of witchcraft that I didn't know about. This is all well and good. But the reason anybody would rent this movie is David Carradine. And I can honestly say that I am addicted to seeing that man sword fight on film. Thanks to the wonder of Netflix, I should be able to keep from going into withdrawals.

My Verdict: It's a David Carradine sword and sorcery adaptation of Yojimbo, with topless women and a lizard man. Rent the God damned movie already.

I found this disturbing little gem while looking for the rest of the micros for the greatest heroes post.

Random comic book thoughts.

I like green lantern:rebirth. Hal Jordan is my favorite green lantern, but I also have every appearance of Kyle Rayner. so let's not assume that every person that is liking rebirth is a member of some retarded fan club.

Why did 9/11 have such a big effect on the marvel universe? considering how many superheroes and villains that live in Manhattan alone, the daily body count must be at least five hundred. let's take the ten people that Omega Red kills every time he appears and then most likely on the same day Terrax kills about twenty or thirty. that's not even counting Venom, Carnage, or a heavy hitter like Magneto. The death toll for a month must be in the tens of thousands. So I don't get the impact on the characters, unless of course it was all a gimmick to tie into a tragedy.

Is it wrong that I might buy every variant cover of the new Friday The 13th comic book?

Mark Millar's Spider-Man was such a let down. The story would have been so much better if the villain behind the story was the Spider-Clone. it would have taken balls to bring back the clone knowing how it would piss off a good number of the fans. at least DC is Correcting the mistake they made with the Batman Hush storyline.

What I think when I see comic book covers...

I hope that'll teach you, Batman. Stay away from gargantuan hobos.

Three thousand guitars they seem to cry, My ears will melt, and then my eyes.

I'm going to rent Humanoids from the Deep from netflix, it'll be the second time I've watched it. Because, like I said to my brother, "sometimes I feel like watching an Indian fight sea beasts."

I'm listening to the new queens of the stone age CD. It's pretty good. I'm comparing it to the last two albums, and that might be too harsh a comparison. If I compare it to what passes for rock these days, it's a fucking masterpiece. But songs like "burn the witch" and "long slow goodbye" are just fucking awesome. I don't know what that Sara Silverman video that comes with the bonus cd was all about.

I seem to only have interest in sports that begin the letter 'B'. ( yes, that does include bum fighting)

I have a friend named Doug, he has a thing for chubby Mexican girls and Captain Morgan's spiced rum. He also enjoys long nights of playing mortal kombat and reading Maya Angelou poetry. Doug is a man of extremes.

Jack Handy - "When I die, I would like to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandfather did. Not screaming and yelling like the passenger in his car."

If there's a better fight scene than the one in They Live, I have yet to see it.

a motto that I wish to live by - "For no one - no one in this world can you trust. Not men, not women, not beasts. This you can trust."

Because John Lennon is my idol, i feel the need to paraphrase him.

"Star Trek 3 is bigger than Jesus."

Tales Of The Colossal

I was just kicking it at home last night when a sudden loud knock on the front door startled me. I slowly crept to the door, looking out I couldn't see anything. Just the fog rolling in from where ever it rolls from. I turn around and head towards the couch when,

*knock knock knock *

I turn around and I see the single most terrifying thing I've ever seen in my life. Louie Anderson with red eyes and blood pouring from his mouth.

"Cooorey..." He called in that scratchy, high pitched voice of his. "we've come to take you home now."

I had finally been able to get a hold of my fear when I asked, "H-Home? I'm already at home, Mr. A-Anderson." He didn't respond. He just stared at me through my door. Then came the most awful sound.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

and with that Louie Anderson had just phased through my door and was now in my house.

"This be not your home, boy. This is just a place of broken dreams. Our home..... Our home lays beneath realm of time and space. Where flesh is but a doorway to the eternal promise " He said with vacant, lifeless eyes.

"W-What do you mean, OUR home?" he started to float to me after I asked him that.

"We are the eternal void, We are the explorers of crimson paradise, We are the voices that haunt your nights, We are the last sounds of drowning infant, We are FOREVER!"and with that, he started to put his hands around my head. His body began to gyrate and his eyes rolled back in his skull. I tried to raise my hands to fight it off, but my body wouldn't respond. In a split second, my eyes saw only a white haze and then I experienced a flood of colors and sounds that I don't think any human has ever witnessed before.

The next thing I know I'm awake in my bed. I go about my life the way I did before. But I have to ask myself, is this the real world or just some illusion that has been created by Louie Anderson to drain me of my brain juice? For my own sanity, I hope I never find out.

The Greatest Heroes Of All Time.