Tales Of The Colossal

I was just kicking it at home last night when a sudden loud knock on the front door startled me. I slowly crept to the door, looking out I couldn't see anything. Just the fog rolling in from where ever it rolls from. I turn around and head towards the couch when,

*knock knock knock *

I turn around and I see the single most terrifying thing I've ever seen in my life. Louie Anderson with red eyes and blood pouring from his mouth.

"Cooorey..." He called in that scratchy, high pitched voice of his. "we've come to take you home now."

I had finally been able to get a hold of my fear when I asked, "H-Home? I'm already at home, Mr. A-Anderson." He didn't respond. He just stared at me through my door. Then came the most awful sound.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

and with that Louie Anderson had just phased through my door and was now in my house.

"This be not your home, boy. This is just a place of broken dreams. Our home..... Our home lays beneath realm of time and space. Where flesh is but a doorway to the eternal promise " He said with vacant, lifeless eyes.

"W-What do you mean, OUR home?" he started to float to me after I asked him that.

"We are the eternal void, We are the explorers of crimson paradise, We are the voices that haunt your nights, We are the last sounds of drowning infant, We are FOREVER!"and with that, he started to put his hands around my head. His body began to gyrate and his eyes rolled back in his skull. I tried to raise my hands to fight it off, but my body wouldn't respond. In a split second, my eyes saw only a white haze and then I experienced a flood of colors and sounds that I don't think any human has ever witnessed before.

The next thing I know I'm awake in my bed. I go about my life the way I did before. But I have to ask myself, is this the real world or just some illusion that has been created by Louie Anderson to drain me of my brain juice? For my own sanity, I hope I never find out.

The Greatest Heroes Of All Time.

This is why I have one of the best blogs out there...

So many go on and on about random things and never get to the heart of the matter. Never really reach the people. I'm going to right now.

I give you...

Werewolf Fireman.

What I think when I see comic book covers...

This is why he's Superman. It's not the powers, it's the pure balls it takes to get onto a space ship with that thing.

Some Random Thoughts.

Where the fuck is my Night Court dvd set?

There's nothing quite like driving around and listening to The Who and then coming home and remembering that you forgot to shut off the TV and hearing the words "...And this is the life story of Herve Villechaize."

Say "Ned Beatty Loves Dead Babies" three times fast. It's not really a tongue twister but it's fun to say.

I love Gatorade. It gives me strength after working out. Much like the blood of a deer for the ancient hunter who has just caught his prey.

i watched the kill bill movies. and I've come to an understanding of Quentin Tarantino. he is the film equivalent of a sampler. a good example is in kill bill there's a guy saying "my name's buck and i wanna fuck" that's from another movie called "Eaten Alive" where the line was said by Freddy Krueger himself Robert Englund. i've also heard that other scenes in other movies have been lifted, but since i don't know, i can't say for sure. Quentin Tarantino combines things other people have done into something else. now, I'll say he has talent, but the same way someone who makes a great mix tape has talent. it's being able to use someone else's expression to say what you want. that being said, i enjoy most of his films, but that's because I'm resigned to the fact that the odds of finding something truly original are about the same of finding a winning lotto ticket up my ass.

if you type Captain Corey on a google image search, this is the best of what you'll find,

Vincent Price with a mohawk.

Vincent Price fighting soap scum.

A mutant baby bear

And Hitler a Go-Go.

i think my brain is well represented online.

Werewolf Coke Enablers

Staring: Jorge Rivero,Andrea Occhipinti,and Conrado San Martín

Directed by
Lucio Fulci

IMDB Plot Outline: A young man, armed with a magical bow and arrows, embarks on a mystical journey through a mystical land to rid it of all evil and joins forces with an outlaw to take down an evil witch bent on claiming the magic bow for evil.

I watched this movie on the same night as Hard Rock Zombies. These would be two movies that had to have been made on the premise of fucking with your mind. it starts out as a normal sword and sorcery movie, like one of the many that populated theaters in the early 80's. boy gets bow and arrow from old wizard. you know, the usual. the point when you realize this is an Italian movie is when you see the main villain of the film, she wears nothing but a spiked thong and a golden mask that is very much like the one worn by Destro from the G.I. Joe cartoon. and naturally she has her werewolf servants feed her a powder drug that give her visions of the future. or as i like to call it, prophecy cocaine. so then they introduce the main hero, called mace. he meets the kid with the bow and arrow and teaches him the way of the world. his weapons are nunchucks and he uses them to confuse and scare away creatures like bats and snakes. he has an unusual belief, he will not kill animals. so he only eats animals that have been killed by others. and usually kills the hunters to get the food. perfectly moral. there are many creatures for mace to kill, most of which are werewolves and one that creeped me out in particular, some sort of man things made out of cobwebs with cat eyes. they had a habit of screeching while on screen so i was always happy to see them die. and something else, this director has had zombies in every film of his that I've seen. he has one that's a motorcycle movie in the future, I'm willing to put money down that there are zombies in that too. so the kid mace was with dies, and his spirit tells mace to anoint himself with the ash of his friends former body so he can use the bow and arrow. but the kid doesn't die unill his head is stabbed. because his soul is in skull. OK, i can handle that. but not more then five minutes later he picks up rocks, leaves and rope and makes an explosive. i mean it. that's all there is. and it explodes. then mace gets captured and crucified but then is knocked over into the ocean and then saved by dolphins. he finally catches up with the destro lady. who is just as nude and into coke as when we first saw her, mace shoots off her mask and we find that she's a zombie. and least in the face. he kills her and walks off into the sun set.


my verdict: I really don't know. It was awful, but at the same time it had werewolves feeding a woman prophecy cocaine. I'm very torn. you'll have to make up your own mind.

What I think when I see comic book covers...

I guess game shows were kick ass back in the day.