the greatest movie I have ever seen.

Staring : Alan Arkin ,Christopher Lee , Kate Fitzpatrick, and Michael Pate.

Directed by
Philippe Mora

Netflix Plot Summary: What happens to superheroes when they become has-beens? Captain Invincible, exiled from the U.S. during the McCarthy era, is now a hopeless alcoholic bum living in Australia. But when the sinister Mr. Midnight hatches a plan to annihilate citizens of New York City, the Captain is called back to America to save the day. First, though, he must reactivate those long-dormant superpowers! Alan Arkin and Christopher Lee co-star.


My Verdict : There is absolutely nothing I could say that would compare with just showing you a video of Christopher Lee singing about the glories of alcohol in a song written by Richard O'Brien of Rocky horror fame.

click on the amazing Christopher Lee to download the video.

Six-String Samurai

Staring :Jeffrey Falcon,Justin McGuire, and Stephane Gauger As Death

Writien by
Jeffrey Falcon
Lance Mungia

Directed by
Lance Mungia


IMDB Plot Summary: In a post-apocalyptic world where the Russians have taken over a nuked USA and Elvis is king of Lost Vegas, "Six-String Samurai" chronicles the tale of Buddy (Jeffrey Falcon), a hero who's a '50s rocker and wandering warrior rolled into one, too-cool package. Armed with his six-string in one hand and his sword in the other, Buddy is on his way to Vegas to succeed Elvis as King. Along the way, he saves an orphan (Justin McGuire) who decides to play tag-along to his rescuer. What follows is the road trip from hell.

My Opinion: Six-String Samurai sucks. it has a neat premise that absolutely fails in it's delivery. the acting is the equivalent of  live action animie. it's gargantuanly awful. and the fucking kid in that movie.... if this was my child i would smother him in his sleep and then ask god what i did that angered him so. if i wanted to watch an annoying kid make random noises and generally make me uncomfortable I'd watch my old home movies. i honestly think that digging up buddy holly's bones and pissing on them is less disrespectful to him than this movie.

My Verdict: Fuck this movie, and fuck Rock & Roll for inspiring it.

a fine film. even without a single C.H.U.D.

Directed by
Marc Singer

IMDB Plot Summary: Near Penn Station, next to the Amtrak tracks, squatters have been living for years. Marc Singer goes underground to live with them, and films this "family." A dozen or so men and one woman talk about their lives: horrors of childhood, jail time, losing children, being coke-heads. They scavenge, they've built themselves sturdy one-room shacks; they have pets, cook, chat, argue, give each other haircuts. A bucket is their toilet. Leaky overhead pipes are a source of water for showers. They live in virtual darkness. During the filming, Amtrak gives a 30-day eviction notice.


so when i rented this film, i thought the director was the man who played Beastmaster. and my biggest memory of homeless people living in tunnels comes from he movie C. H. U. D. so i rented the film on the basis that i expected to be watching a movie about C.H.U.D.s directed by Beastmaster. or i rented it on the novelty of that idea. i was very moved by this film. one of the things that this film starts out with is one of the men climbing into the tunnels with his voice dubbed over saying ".. you'd be surprised what the mind can adjust to." and you can see it. despite having electricity and a sense of community, a human can't live like that and be happy. this movie does a great job of making you care for these people, even those who it may be difficult to. it also shows how they live and how happy they can be for something that a person in a different situation would take for granted. it has desperation and hope in equal measure. One thing I was very impressed by, was not only how talented the director was, but how much of a wonderful decent person he was. The director lived in the tunnel while filming this, sometimes by choice and others out of necessity of financing the film. Other directors would easily have put themselves into the film, his involvement is non existent in the story of the film itself, but in the extras you find that he promised he'd help get those people out of the tunnels and into apartments and he did. Singer is as humble as he is decent.

My Verdict: Dark Days is a wonderful film that is not only thought provoking and entertaining, but also a film that gives me a little more pride in humanity. Not bad for a flick I thought was directed by Beastmaster.

And I crown you, King Savini The First.

Staring : Ed Harris , Gary Lahti , Amy Ingersoll, Brother Blue, Ken Foree , Scott H. Reiniger, And Tom Savini.

Written & Directed by George A. Romero

IMDB Plot Summary : A traveling troupe of jousters and performers are slowly cracking under the pressure of hick cops, financial troubles and their failure to live up to their own ideals. The group's leader, King Billy, is increasingly unable to maintain his warrior's rule while the Black Knight is being tempted away to LA and stardom, as they all have to ask why they were here in the first place.

Tagline: The Games...The Romance...The Spirit...Camelot is a state of mind.

This movie.... I don't understand it. That doesn't make me love it any less. This film doesn't do a very good job of helping the audience understand what the Knightriders world really is. Now, at some points it seems like they are just doing a renaissance/carnival type deal and that's all it is, and others it seems like they have formed a new society and are fighting against the system. One thing I like about George Romeo is that he's a liberal. But he's better than just that, he's a working class liberal. You can see his politics in many of his films. In this film you see his opinions of greed, the corporate world, acceptance of homosexuality, and his dislike of intellectuals. He doesn't need to put these opinions in a film that has to be taken seriously. No, he doesn't mind putting these thoughts in films with zombies, or in this case, a motorcycle Camelot. Another interesting thing about this film was the fact, that it is almost the bridge between Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead, and even the Night of the Living Dead remake, because he uses so many of the same actors that this film was filled with familiar faces. The plot doesn't make much sense, and a good part of the time you think Ed Harris is going insane. Half of the time I was asking myself what the fuck this movie meant, I don't have an answer for that, but I know what it meant to me.

My Verdict: while confusing, this movie deals with important subjects. Motorcycles, Jousting, Loyalty, Coming to terms with your sexuality, Motorcycles, Honor, Carnie royalty, and Motorcycles. Camelot is a state of mind and it's of the 101 near the sewage treatment plant.

The power and the glory that is The Carradine

Staring : David Carradine,Luke Askew,Anthony De Longis, and Maria Socas.

Directed by
John C. Broderick


IMDB Plot Summary : The mighty warrior, Kain, crosses the barren wastelands of the planet Ura, where two arch enemies, Zeg and the evil degenerate Balcaz, fight incessantly for control of the village's only well. Kain sees his opportunity and announces that his sword is for hire...But his eyes stay clearly on the beautiful captive sorceress Naja, and his newly awakened purpose.

This is not a good film, but it is a great one. So this is a sword and sorcery piece. But it's even more than that. Just imagine Yojimbo but with David Carradine and lizard people. It's a bizarre film. If you've seen Youjimbo or the western adaptation A Fistful of Dollars then you've seen this. The main difference is that this movie has a lizard man. A terrifying little creature that is both counsel to the obese Balcaz and I think, his vaguely implied sexual partner. This movie also has an abundance of nude women. There is an orgy, of course, but it seems a good number of the town women were given outfits that would move out of place and expose their breast if they moved in the slightest. That not even counting the Four breasted topless dancer that attempts to kill The Carradine. Oh and then there is Maria Socas. She is topless throughout the whole movie. I guess she's supposed to be the Sorceress but she shows little magical ability, unless showing your tits is some sort of witchcraft that I didn't know about. This is all well and good. But the reason anybody would rent this movie is David Carradine. And I can honestly say that I am addicted to seeing that man sword fight on film. Thanks to the wonder of Netflix, I should be able to keep from going into withdrawals.

My Verdict: It's a David Carradine sword and sorcery adaptation of Yojimbo, with topless women and a lizard man. Rent the God damned movie already.

Werewolf Coke Enablers

Staring: Jorge Rivero,Andrea Occhipinti,and Conrado San Martín

Directed by
Lucio Fulci

IMDB Plot Outline: A young man, armed with a magical bow and arrows, embarks on a mystical journey through a mystical land to rid it of all evil and joins forces with an outlaw to take down an evil witch bent on claiming the magic bow for evil.

I watched this movie on the same night as Hard Rock Zombies. These would be two movies that had to have been made on the premise of fucking with your mind. it starts out as a normal sword and sorcery movie, like one of the many that populated theaters in the early 80's. boy gets bow and arrow from old wizard. you know, the usual. the point when you realize this is an Italian movie is when you see the main villain of the film, she wears nothing but a spiked thong and a golden mask that is very much like the one worn by Destro from the G.I. Joe cartoon. and naturally she has her werewolf servants feed her a powder drug that give her visions of the future. or as i like to call it, prophecy cocaine. so then they introduce the main hero, called mace. he meets the kid with the bow and arrow and teaches him the way of the world. his weapons are nunchucks and he uses them to confuse and scare away creatures like bats and snakes. he has an unusual belief, he will not kill animals. so he only eats animals that have been killed by others. and usually kills the hunters to get the food. perfectly moral. there are many creatures for mace to kill, most of which are werewolves and one that creeped me out in particular, some sort of man things made out of cobwebs with cat eyes. they had a habit of screeching while on screen so i was always happy to see them die. and something else, this director has had zombies in every film of his that I've seen. he has one that's a motorcycle movie in the future, I'm willing to put money down that there are zombies in that too. so the kid mace was with dies, and his spirit tells mace to anoint himself with the ash of his friends former body so he can use the bow and arrow. but the kid doesn't die unill his head is stabbed. because his soul is in skull. OK, i can handle that. but not more then five minutes later he picks up rocks, leaves and rope and makes an explosive. i mean it. that's all there is. and it explodes. then mace gets captured and crucified but then is knocked over into the ocean and then saved by dolphins. he finally catches up with the destro lady. who is just as nude and into coke as when we first saw her, mace shoots off her mask and we find that she's a zombie. and least in the face. he kills her and walks off into the sun set.


my verdict: I really don't know. It was awful, but at the same time it had werewolves feeding a woman prophecy cocaine. I'm very torn. you'll have to make up your own mind.

I cannot think of the words....

Staring: E.J. Curse,Jennifer Coe, Lisa Toothman, and Phil Fondacaro.

Directed by
Krishna Shah

IMDB Plot Summary:A hard rock band travels to the tiny and remote town of Grand Guignol to perform. Peopled by hicks, rubes, werewolves, murderous dwarves, sex perverts, and Hitler, the town is a strange place but that doesn't stop the band's lead singer from falling in love with a local girl named Cassie. After Nazi sex perverts kill the band to satisfy their lusts, Cassie calls the rockers back from the grave to save her, the town, and maybe the world.

Tagline: You can't keep a good band down!



There is no human language that exists now or that ever did exist that could properly describe this film. So rather than make an attempt to describe it, I'll just mention a few of the things I saw and you'll have to decide weather or not it's worth watching after you talk to your friends, your family, and your God.

A Werewolf Eva Braun howling to the daylight.

Eva Braun and Hitler having sex while their dwarf grandchildren (one of whom is incredibly deformed) are watching on.

Not a bit of hard rock in all of the movie.

A hard rock singer singing a love song to an underage girl while he's in jail.

At least three entirely unneeded music videos.

No lighting, so whenever it's dark you can't see a thing.

Adolph Hitler screaming towards the sky over the body of Eva.

Zombie gang rape rituals.

A simple bass guitar riff that any beginner could have accidentally played, brings the dead back to life.

The deformed dwarf grandchild of Hitler devouring himself with a knife and fork.

The director's named being spelled differently from the directors to the writing credits.

All the evil non hard rocking zombies gassed in Hitler's basement (quite possibly one of the most offensive things I've ever seen, and I'm very hard to offend).


My Verdict: I'm not a religious man....But I do feel I have sinned, and that God is punishing me for them. What other explanation would there be for such a film existence and my viewing of it?

Mr. Elwes, I preferred Men In Tights.

Staring : Cary Elwes, Leigh Whannell , Monica Potter Dina Meyer, and Danny Glover.


Directed by
James Wan


IMDB Plot Outline: With a dead body laying between them, two men (Whannell and Elwes) wake up in the secure lair of a serial killer who's been nicknamed "Jigsaw" by the police because of his unusual calling card.

Tagline: Every piece has a puzzle.

Ok, I liked this movie until about half way through it. It's really amazing. I was thinking this was an interesting premise and some decent acting. But all of a sudden it was like the movie had hit some invisible limit and both the acting and the dialog went to hell. Plus there's the fact that I don't buy the ending for a minute. The dead guy? Come on. Now before someone says, "you buy the ending to Friday the 13th, When obviously most of those killings couldn't have been done by an elderly woman, plus they showed the killer's hands and they were obviously the hands of a man." There is a difference. Friday the 13th didn't take itself seriously. Saw wanted to be taken seriously. Pal Tom said something similar, but used the film Jason X as an example, And that is something I can't condone. I can forgive a film quite a lot, if there is a bit of tongue in cheek attitude. But this wanted to be a "Psychological Thriller" which in Hollywood, more often than not, it means it's being pretentious and not wanting to call the movie a horror. But back to the acting, I literally cringed when Cary Elwes was crying while talking to his wife and daughter the acting was so bad. But the thing is, less than twenty minutes before, I thought his acting was decent. I don't get it. It's rare for me to see such an intense drop off of quality. While the whole sawing off of the limb scene was nasty, I still think the scene in Evil Dead II was more intense. All I can say about this movie is that it had an interesting premise but it failed in the delivery.

My verdict, if you can handle disappointment, you'll be fine with this movie

The Andy Kaufman / Alien Jesus Powers movie we've all been waiting for.

Staring : Tony Lo Bianco,Deborah Raffin,Sandy Dennis,Richard Lynch, and Andy Kaufman.


Written & Directed by Larry Cohen

IMDB Plot Summary: A rash of mass murders in NYC has the detective stumped. When asked why, all the perpetrators say "God told me to," then kill themselves.

Tagline: Conceived In A HELL Beyond Our GALAXY Destined To Rule Our World!

Thanks to my good buddy Dorian, for giving me this movie.

This movie is a bit disorienting. It starts off as what seems like regular New York cop drama. It starts off with a sniper shooting from a water tower. The main cop named peter, climbs up to he tower to try to talk to the sniper and asks him why he did and the sniper said "god told me to..." Then he jumps off the water tower to his death. A few more killings happen around Manhattan Island, all with the killers saying before they kill themselves or are killed by the police, "god told me to…" but one of the best scenes comes when Andy Kaufman as policeman on parade on saint Patrick day's. he pulls out gun and shoots an aid of the mayors and about five or six cops. After this is where the movie goes nuts. Peter starts looking into the history of the killers, and it leads to a mysterious blonde man who is a descendent of Jesus who was also apparently an immaculate conception. Then that leads him to start searching into his birth, he was a orphan and he finds his birth mother and she was abducted by aliens and artificially inseminated. Then for no reason at all, the cop uses his new found God powers, to cause the murder of at least three pimps. And he meets the other alien messiah and he shows him his alien vagina and offers it to peter so they can have a child and spawn a new race on earth, this leads to a fight and a peter burns down the building that there and barely gets away. As he walks into a court room in handcuffs, a reporter asks him why he murdered the man, and he says, of course, " god told me to.."

This movie really confused the hell out of me. I thought it was going one way and it would turn and tell me, "No, dumbass, this movie doesn’t need to make sense, it has alien Jesus descendents and Andy Kauffman."

My Verdict : it's fucking weird. if you like that, than you'll have no problems with this. plus, you can't go wrong with Andy Kauffman going nuts and shooting people. it's worth a view.

Well, from the title, I didn't expect Italian porn. I guess in the long run, I shouldn't be surprised.

Staring : Erika Blanc ,Jean Servais, Ivana Novak, and Daniel Emilfork


Directed by
Jean Brismee


IMDB Plot Outline: Six of seven tourists in an east European castle overnight are victims of a helper of the devil. Is Satan willing to spare their souls?

I wanna thank pal Tom for giving me this movie to review.

OK, so before the movie even started, there was this weird intro done by Redemption video, and it's essentially this elvira like woman talking about the evils of cannibalism while two topless girls eat raw meat. The movie has nothing to do with cannibalism. Then the movie started, the first thing you see is world war two stock footage, then you have a Nazi's waiting for his wife to give birth. He asks the midwife if the child is a boy or a girl, paying little attention that his wife just died from childbirth. The midwife says it's a girl. The Nazi tells her to leave and then stabs his new born baby. I can tell you this right now, I have never seen anything more evil than a Nazi stabbing a baby. After this, I start to lose track of the film because it becomes so ungodly boring, that I was doing my best to stay awake. So I'll give you the basics, a group of people come to a haunted castle where there is lesbian sex and gruesome murder. The murder is inflicted by the succubus which is a different daughter from Nazi bloodline. She kills everyone except a priest who then offers his soul to Satan in their place. He does, and then to the priest it all seems like a dream, everyone but the priest leaves the castle in a bus, the bus then falls of a cliff and explodes and kills everyone on it. And then the movie ends. My guess is that the point to the movie was, you can't escape Satan. That and lesbian sex is hot.

My Verdict: you do not need to see this movie. In fact, no one needs to see this movie.

He Wendt before his time.

Staring: Chris McKenna,Kari Wuhrer,Daniel Baldwin,Ron Livingston, and George Wendt.


Directed by Stuart Gordon

IMDB Plot Outline: A young drifter discovers his true calling.

This movie was made by the same production company as Vampires vs. Zombies. I can only assume that they make shit like that to pay for OK films like this one. It's not that great for a Stuart Gordon film, but probably the best film a number of these actors have been in. It deals with a young house painter (McKenna) getting a job offer from his coworker (Wendt) who also sometimes works for a mob boss (Baldwin). The mob boss offers the kid money to watch a local city council member (Livingston). While watching him, the kid gets a crush on his wife(Wuhrer). After a week of this the mob boss drunkenly orders the kid to kill the council member. And this all leads to nudity, hallucinations, torture, and mass murder.

There are a couple of reasons to see this. But none will ever be as convincing as the severed head of George Wendt.

A Yeti movie ....oh boy.

Staring: Alan Brock, Jennifer Stock, Tawm Ellis , and Michael Harris.


Directed by
Michael Findlay

Tag Line : It walks. It stalks. It tears the shriek out of your throat.


Ok, I just want to say that this is one of the most boring movies I've ever seen. There might be a few that are worse, but this is right up there. So it's a Yeti Movie. When I think about a movie about a yeti, it seems so wonderful, so enjoyable. But that is a fantasy that is not based in reality, because if there is a yeti and or sasquatch movie out there, odds are it's a piece of crap.

So the basic plot is two college professors take some of their students up to a cabin in the woods to see if they can find proof of the existence of yetis. At least 30 minutes of this film is barely audible conversations and pointless party scenes. Now, I can handle parties in a movies, but if characters are talking I think maybe they would let the audience in on it. But no, they would rather have a poor man's version of Question Mark and the Mysterians playing instead of dialog, part of me thinks that this is a good thing, because the acting in this film is worse than the worst Troma movie. Of this, I have no doubt. but still call me selfish, but I like a little exposition every now and then in a film, if I wanted to watch a half an hour of dancing, I'd walk to the salvation army and buy a copy of MTV's the grind. Then the music stops and we get the standard troubled person, warning the group that they are going to be doomed, I like to call this the Crazy Ralph Syndrome(or C.R.S. For Short). Apparently this man's best friend was killed by the yeti, so he comes to the party and bums everyone out then leaves. He gets home and for no reason, he cuts his girlfriends throat. Then to clean the blood off of himself he gets into a bathtub fully clothed and starts drinking a beer, but the girlfriend, who is a fucking navy seal apparently, crawls into the bathroom with a toaster and throws it into the bath tub and kills her boyfriend just before she dies herself. What does this mean? My guess, (since the film makers don't give you any sort of explanation) is that when you witness the yeti, it drives you mad. So the main characters all head up to the cabin and then comes even more endless music. But at least immediately after the song ends, we get introduced to a new character: Sitting Leaf -- the mute Indian who is neither mute nor Indian.

It was at this moment I had a horrific epiphany, this movie is not unique. there are dozens of films that are just like this. So after I grabbed a couple beers out of the fridge, I continued the film.

It was at this point we got our first couple of yeti kills out of the movie. I'm telling you, that yeti is hilarious. the yeti outfit is nothing but a white fur suit and wig, with fake teeth and lip stick. i would have laughed my ass of at it if the first half of the film hadn't sucked most of the human feeling out of me. so the main male and female characters (i apologize for not remembering their names, the brain power it would have taken to remember was used up trying to keep myself from shutting of the dvd player) saddened by the deaths of their friends, now decide it's a perfect time to start making out. while the wonderfully uncomfortable romance was happening, the two professors use the bodies of the other two dead kids as bait for the yeti. the main male character and the main female character leave the cabin and run into the woods, they become separated, and the girl comes back to the cabin, where she is stalked by the yeti, she locks herself into the bathroom where sitting leaf the false mute Indian, appears to be dead, then he looks at her and with tomahawk in hand is about to cleave her, she runs out of the room ends up in the living room, and sees the yeti and has a heart attack. the yeti bends down to look at her and then straightens up and takes off the mask as we find that the yeti has been one of the professors the whole time. next we see a number of cars parking in front of the cabin, and the main male character comes back to find a dinner party with the two professors as well as the dinner guests which is a multi national rainbow of races, he asks where his girlfriend is, and his told that the yeti is a tool to throw the authorities of their trail and that they are part of a satanic cannibal society. then they tell him that he's been eating humans the entire time at the cabin and he didn't know it, and that the girl was scared to death in accordance with their rules. then sitting leaf wheels the girlfriend out on a massive plater and the boyfriend goes nuts and tries to escape and is stabbed viciously eating utensils by everyone at the party, barely conscious he looks up at sitting leaf asks him if he likes light meat or dark meat. the end.


This film was insane. You'd probably be better off not watching it. But if you do, I suggest a liberal amount of any alcoholic beverage and a group of friends to watch it with, because you do not want to watch this film sober and alone.

It cuts like a knife, but it feels alright.

Staring : Yuliya Vysotskaya, Sultan Islamov ,Stanislav Varkki, Marina Politsejmako , and Bryan Adams.

Written & Directed by Andrei Konchalovsky

IMDB Plot Summary: Psychiatric patients become entrenched in the Chechen War after the staff split to find them a safer hospital. Soldiers take over the asylum, and then, a young female patient (Vysotskaya) falls in love with soldier (Islamov), which leaves her imaginary boyfriend, Bryan Adams (playing himself), in a lurch. Based on a true story.

i saw the info for this on my satellite information and knew i had to watch it. even though it was really late. this film was a lot better than i expected. when you see Bryan Adams in a movie cast, you think twice about the quality of the movie. I have never seen a film that can go from cute to depressing and back again as many times as i did in House of Fools. this film goes many places, you are shown that madness can be adorable as well as terrifying. It also gives you feeling of how it is brother against brother when a society has a civil war. And of course, it shows you Bryan Adams. This is one of the better movies I have seen in quite a while. I highly recommend it.

Wes, what goes on in that brain of yours?

Staring:Brandon Quintin Adams,Everett McGill,Wendy Robie,A.J. Langer, and Ving Rhames.

Written and Directed by
Wes Craven

IMDB Plot Outline: Juvenile burglars break into a house occupied by a brother and sister and their inbred children.

Good Lord, Wes Craven is hit or miss. Everything I love and hate about the movie I can sum up with the ending. A house explodes with money flying everywhere, then a block party starts and mutants wander the streets.

They don't make movies like this anymore. Well, ok , they do. But they fail miserably.

.


Staring: Candace Hilligoss,Frances Feist,Sidney Berger, and Stan Levitt.

Directed by
Herk Harvey

IMDB Plot Outline: After a traumatic accident, a woman becomes drawn to a mysterious abandoned carnival.


After being desensitized by blood and guts, it's nice to see a good old fashion horror movie. The best part of the movie is atmosphere but there are some genuinely creepy moments. It has a feeling of being much newer than a lot of the other horror movies of the time. It could be mainly because it takes place in this century rather than 18th century England. But I truly see this as one of the marking stones for which horror changed. The visuals from this movie must have influenced many other horror movies as well as punk rock bands. The Night Of The Living Dead no doubt was influenced by this. The wave of ghost stories over the last couple years have been all right, but it just goes to show that a low budget movie made in 1962 seems more relevant than any Japanese film remade with a big budget by Hollywood.

The Re-Animator Trilogy

Staring: Jeffrey Combs,Bruce Abbott,Barbara Crampton,David Gale, and Robert Sampson

Directed by
Stuart Gordon

IMDB Plot Outline: A dedicated student at a medical college and his girlfriend become involved in bizarre experiments centering around the re-animation of dead tissue when an odd new student arrives on campus.

The first film is a lovely piece of work. I'm not sure of the Lovecraft story it was based off of but I'll assume there was quite a bit of artistic license taken. Dr. Herbert West is a weird little man but you can't help but like him on some level. His partner is a bit of a bore but I think he was really only there as a reason for the girl in the movie to get naked. The decapitated head. What a lovely villain. I could talk about the oral sex scene but I'm sure that's been done to death. I will say that this was a fun movie despite the tremendous amount of zombie wang.




Staring: Jeffrey Combs,Bruce Abbott,Claude Earl Jones,Fabiana Udenio, and David Gale.

Directed by
Brian Yuzna

IMDB Plot Outline: Doctors Herbert West and Dan Cain discover the secret to creating human life and proceed to create a perfect woman from dead tissue.

This was barely a film but rather a collection of funny and weird scenes. Rent this movie if only for the many experiments leg hand, the eye fingers. And other disgusting oddities. The two main doctors come back in this film as does the decapitated head of Dr. hill. The head gets bat wings. This is absolutely lovely. I can't tell you how terrified I'd be if a human head was flying towards me. But despite the bad parts (which were many) I still liked the movie.



Staring: Jeffrey Combs,Jason Barry,Elsa Pataky, and Simón Andreu.

Directed by
Brian Yuzna

IMDB Plot Summary:Everyone's favorite mad scientist Herbert West is currently in jail after having state's evidence turned against him by his former assistant, Dan Cain. While being led away, some re-agent falls from his pocket where it is picked up by a young man that was camping nearby. The young man find Herbert down in his jail cell and learns for himself just what the re-agent is capable of.

This was a nice try but it didn't really hit the mark. In some ways it's a better sequel than bride of re-animator and in other ways it's much worse. A flying head with bat wings I can handle. I don't like cocks that are bitten off the body and then starts fighting rats. But that didn't weigh that hard against this movie. It was mostly the acting. And this film was made in Spain, it really was terribly dubbed. There were parts where you could tell it was a particular actors actual voice and then when it went to voice over because the english was hard to understand. The film takes place in prison and that's nice and fine. But there were so many times I just slapped my hands against my head and wondered why I was watching it. But I have seen worse. Only rent this one if you are a re-animator junkie. And if you want to see the worst music video you'll probably ever see.

Vampires, little monsters, and breasts.

Staring: Anders Hove,Irina Movila,Michael Watson,Laura Tate,Michelle McBride, and Angus Scrimm.

Directed by
Ted Nicolaou

IMDB Plot Summary for
Subspecies
The evil vampire villain Radu returns to his hometown of Prejnar, after spending years in exile. He steals the precious blood stone which is said to be bleeding from all saints, from his father and kills him. Meanwhile two American schoolgirls teams up with a local girl for a work on Roumanian culture. Radu becomes attracted to them but runs into trouble when his brother Stephan helps the girls.


I dug this film. I liked it even more because it had Angus Scrimm aka the tall man from phantasm wearing a terrible wig and sucking blood from a stone. And Radu the vampire sure has some drooling problems. But I liked the idea of magic and patriarchy in the vampire world. Plus breaking your fingers off and creating ghouls from it is pretty neat as well. It was obvious they didn't have the biggest budget for the film but I think they did well with what they had. I'll most likely watch the sequels of this film, but I have doubts if they'll be any good. They went to four and it looks like by then they had the production quality of a sci-fi channel original movie made in 1997. But I'll say the first film is decent, and I'd recommend it if you are on a vampire kick.

Mutant Aqua Creatures.

Staring:Peter Weller,Richard Crenna,Amanda Pays,Daniel Stern,Hector Elizondo, and Ernie Hudson.

Directed by
George P. Cosmatos.

IMDB Plot Summary: Underwater deep-sea miners encounter a Soviet wreck and bring back a dangerous cargo to their base on the ocean floor with horrifying results.

This is John Carpenter's The Thing, but under water. It's not as good as that film but has a higher star caliber cast. Peter Weller, I cannot get enough of this man, he's Robocop, and he's buckaroo banzai. So I'll like pretty much every movie he does, this was no exception. Richard Crenna, Daniel Stern, Hector Elizondo, and Ernie Hudson are also in the movie. I have the feeling that this movie was a group of executives saying, “why don't we make the thing, underwater, with a bigger budget, bigger stars, and give it a Hollywood ending?” Now, I don't think I'm judging the movie too harshly because I did enjoy it, how do you not enjoy Robocop and Winston of Ghostbusters. using chainsaws and flame-throwers against a mutant beast under the sea. If you want to see that, and you should want to see that, then rent this movie, but if you want to see a high quality version of this type of film, just watch The Thing again.

I just don't know

Staring: Felix Ward,Maria Pechukas,Dan Scott and A.J. Lowenthal

Directed by
Eugenie Joseph
Thomas Doran (footage from unfinished film "Twisted Souls")
Brendan Faulkner (footage from unfinished film "Twisted Souls")


IMDB Plot Summary:Taking a wrong turn, travelers find themselves trapped in a mysterious house. One horror after another threatens them as the sorcerer who lives within needs sacrifices to give eternal life to his beautiful bride.

Also Known As:
Twisted Souls (USA) (working title)


Oh boy, I should have known, three directors is a sure fire way of telling a movie is bad. And this film is a paradox if I've ever seen one. It has some of the most unique and interesting things I've seen in a film but it's packaged in the most boring piece of shit. You get, farting zombies, Asian women that turn into spiders, lizard monkey type things,an old wizard teaching his son the dark arts, and the one that got me the most a meowing cat boy with a hook for a hand. All of these things and I still fell asleep in the middle of it. How does such a thing happen? How do you show me things that by all rights should make me love a film, instead I can't keep my eyes open. I can only assume the creators tapped into that hidden formula that should never have been created. All I know is that while I will remember the things I saw in this movie for a long time, but I couldn't get the tape out of the VCR fast enough.

"Let us go eat some Yankee brains!"

The Curse Of The Screaming Dead

Staring:Steve Sandkuhler,Christopher Gummer,Rebecca Bach, and Mimi Ishikawa

Directed by
Tony Malanowski

Also Known As:
Curse of the Cannibal Confederates
Curse of the Confederate Cannibals


IMDB Plot Outline: A group of Southern deer hunters stop at a church graveyard in the woods. Their activities arouse the corpses of long-dead Confederate soldiers, who attack them

I love zombie movies. This was a zombie movie, and I did not like it. This was a film made in 1982 yet it looks like it was filmed in 1971. The acting is God awful. The special effects are terrible there is no interest in the characters even in seeing them get killed. the one thing I'll say, there are two Asian redneck sisters, one is blind and one is a total bitch and i mean total. she hates like and everyone around her even her sister. and of course the blind one dies and the total bitch survives. even with this dynamic bitchy and blind Asian rednecks I still started to fall asleep during it. There was only one good thing about this movie, and that's a zombie confederate general commanding his undead troops. Now since you have to wait about an hour to even see this flesh eating rebel, Id recommend renting this only for die hard zombie fans or people who have an easily available supply of coffee.