Run Guyver Run!

I finally saw run ronnie run. It was pretty slow at first, I think the difficulty of the transition from show to movie was the most obvious in the first part of the film. I think some of its problems come from the fact that some of the jokes are taken from sketches from the show almost word for word, but that doesn’t make it any less of a funny film, but once Ronnie got to Hollywood. It was gold The Ronnie Dobbs musical scene was absolutely fantastic. And the scene with the fat kid was hilarious. But the funniest thing in the movie was jack black’s cameo. That was some funny stuff. I think if the Mr. Show guys get around to making another movie they’ll have worked out the kinks, not as good as the show by a long shot, but I still liked it and I’ll say this was funny movie.


watched the guyver the other night. the live action movie with mark hamill and jimmy j. j. walker. i saw this ten years ago. seeing it again, i'm surprised i'm not a murderer now. What the fuck is that? no, seriously, what the fuck is that movie? But it does get an A+ for fish asians.

batman the 19th was killed at a podium!

Want to know why I love superman? It’s really very simple. In issue 166 of worlds finest, in the story of the first team up of the future superman batman team.



muto (the yellow skinned mutant with the large head) was running into a cave to get away from superman, but this superman couldn't go in because sea-water was blocking the entrance. To this superman, sea-water was his kryptonite, because of radiation that had settled in the sea from an intergalactic atomic war. so what does this superman do? He flies above the cave and the water; he uses his incredible strength to stomp above the cave causing an earthquake that starts to bring the cave down around muto. And while superman is doing this, he says and i quote "there's more then one way to skin a mutant!"

That right there is why superman will always be my favorite hero. Thank you, and good day.

Now this is a fine mutant bear movie. maybe the best mutant bear movie i've ever seen

Prophecy



What happens when a logging company does a shitty job and leaves mercury out in the water? well, my friends you get a 20 ft mutant bear with no skin. You also get a hell of a time. Talia Shire and Armand Assante are the main recognizable names from the film. and can some one show me a film where a Talia Shire character that isn't insanely shy and will say look at the other characters in the eyes for longer than a second? But enough of that, I will say when you get right down to it, this is a fun movie. you get Indian legends and lumberjack decapitation. Oh, right and a fucking huge mutant bear. Seriously, what else would you want?

i came here to make babies and chew bubble gum, but i'm all out of bubble gum.

Hell Comes to Frogtown





We all know and love Roddy Piper. "They Live" is a classic. But I say he has been in more than one classic. In fact, I’ll say he's been in two. Hell comes to frog town is about a rebel named Sam Hell. He is one of the few fertile men left after world war III. That means he's the American government’s property and it his job to make babies. It’s also his job to save a bus load of fertile women from the grips of the mutant frogs that rule the desert. I’ll tell you something folks; this was the first time I’ve ever seen a wrestler wearing an electronic chastity belt. And of course he needs that because they want him to be in peak condition when he does his duty for his country. By all rights, I should have hated this movie. But by god, did I love it. This movie has action, ladies in lingerie, Roddy Piper grabbing his balls in pain on many occasions, and a city of mutant frogs. Of course I recommend this. I am sure that Roddy Piper will some day take his place among the legends of action movies. And I will proudly salute him.

After a bit of a break from posting, I'm back with a review of a movie with fish creatures from another dimension.

From Beyond





Stuart Gordon ,Jeffrey Combs and H.P. Lovecraft should all be joined at the hip. Because I’m never disappointed when those three are together on a film. The film starts out with Jeffery Combs as a scientist who is working on an experiment to stimulate the pineal gland and it ends up opening a doorway to another universe that includes glowing floating sea life. This movie was a blast. Barbara Crampon and Ken Foree from re-animator and dawn of the dead fame respectively, put in a nice showing. But as always Jeffery Combs steals the show. Apparently when you stimulate the pineal gland it leads to your friends becoming lose fleshy beasts and you gain a love for sadomasochism. Now I’m not sure how much of this was a part of Lovecraft’s original story but god bless artistic license. This isn't Oscar winning cinema, but it does have a lot of disturbing creatures, Ken Foree shooting monsters in his underwear, Barbara Crapmton naked in a uncomfortable situation (yet again), and Jeffery Combs acting creepy as only he can. I highly recommend it.

a nightmare to remember.

what do you get when you mix this:



with this:



well my freinds, you get this.

Now for a new feature

Horror Actor Spotlight

Larry Zerner aka Shelly from Friday the 13th part 3.

Shelly was a very important character in the Friday the 13th series. This is because he is the one that gave Jason the hockey mask. Shelly was underwater trying to scare the girl he was attracted to so he wore a mask and popped up out of the water and did a good job of it. Later shelly was killed and Jason finally got his mask. If you have been wondering what Larry has been up to, just go to his website. Larry is now an attorney at law.

All I know is that if I need legal help, I’m going to go to shelly!

Since I'm still in the middle of watching more movies, I give you a guy with a machete in his face.

something i need.

there is a book coming out called Crystal Lake Memories. it will be mine. i need it like fat kids need candy.

Why I hate green lantern fans.

I'm one of the biggest fans of green lantern that I know. I have almost every green lantern story ever published. I have many action figures rings and hardcovers. Hal Jordan is my favorite green lantern. I'm looking forward to his returning to the ring slinging. But unlike most green lantern fans I can handle change. I'm speaking of course of the change in Hal Jordan's green lantern costume.

here is a picture of the new action figure coming out.

and here is a figure of his old costume.

Not much of a difference is there? Just a little less attention placed on the groin. And of course this has angered some green lantern fans. On a message board I read someone saying this "I didn't wait ten years for Hal Jordan to come back for him to look like this" how dare DC update a costume. This is why I hate green lantern fans. I wish the jack black green lantern movie was actually coming out, if only to watch these fanboys heads explode.

I really need this.

Fear is a powerful thing.

I had a somewhat traumatic experience at best buy last night. So I was looking through the horror section, when I saw this 400 pound man looking through the anime section. No big deal, fat guys like anime. But he walked by me and through the mop of long red hair and a goatee i saw a face that I thought I’d never see again. It was the face of "anime joe". now I should say that i worked at a comic book store for about seven years and no customer ever struck fear and loathing into the hearts of the employees like "anime joe" when I would see him, I’d turn around and go in the back of the store and ask mike to tell me when he was gone. I have no problem with folks that love anime, but this boy felt no love, it was an obsession of which he could never ever stop talking about. I remember one time he was talking about anime and he just wouldn't stop and so I said to him “you should really ask my coworker josh, he knows far more about anime than if do" it was a cowardly thing to do, I know, but I can't describe the fear. When I saw him at best buy, I could tell that he almost recognized me and I walked away very fast and kept an eye on him. My brother saw how scared I was and said with a disgusted look on his face, ”what the hell is wrong with you?". I could only mumble " you don't understand, its anime joe..."

The Captain's Comic Critique

These will totally have spoilers.


Powers # 2

I'm holding on by a thread here. They need to do something quick or I'm going to drop this book.

X-Statix # 25

Man, this book was in a slump but now it's back and kicking ass. This issue was good, but nothing compares to the Mr. Sensitive vs. Iron man fight. Doop eating Thor's hammer comes close though.

Batman # 630

While not the most exiting book on the market, it's a solid read, and I like the fact that Judd Winick is at least trying to salvage something from the completely wasted potential of the hush story line.

The Astonishing X-Men # 3

The best X book out there right now. While that's not saying much at all because all the other x books suck, this one still has a little charm in it. I may be impartial because I liked the Buffy and Angel shows. So I do get a kick out of Joss Whedon's writing style. Still, it doesn't hold a candle to what Grant Morrison did.

The Walking Dead # 9

I seriously hope this comic never stops. I loves me the zombie comics. And this one is actually good too. So that's a bonus.

Fantastic Four # 516

I really hope that Mark Waid has something good cooked up for the next arc because this last one has bored me to death. I don't care about the Wizard's kid. I don't.

JLA # 102

I liked the first issue, but that was before I read this one and it turns out to be nothing but the jla crying and making mistakes. One issue, that's fine, a whole arc, that's not fine. And the flash is serious about fire alarms, I hope next issue green lantern deals with teen pregnancy and martian manhutder deals with pain of cigarette smoking.

Ultimate Fantastic Four # 9

It's Warren Ellis. Fuckin' a, just read it.

Sleeper Season Two # 2

Ed Brubaker puts out another good one. I know I've been waiting for the conversation in this issue since the book started. Should have known it would end badly.

Superman Birthright # 12

Now that the story is all said and done, I think it was a good story, not a world shattering continuity breaking story and not the most exciting story. But I think the last couple pages are worth the whole twelve issues.

Planetary # 20

Elijah Snow kills a group E.T. mixed with butterflies type of aliens. whatta douche bag.

The Amazing Spider-Man # 510

Ok, the story isn't that bad, but I need help with this, if these are his kids, than why do they look like they're in their twenties. That really dates peter parker. He doesn't look forty. I'll wait and see.

Kinetic # 5

It's nice to know even a kid who crush a mail truck in his hands can have problems talking to the ladies.

DC Comics Presents: Hawkman # 1

This one was nice, but I'll take a Kurt Busiek / Walt Simonson story any day. Also, I've missed Cary Bates. That's something someone who's 23 shouldn't say.

Avengers # 500

Ok, things have gone kinda nuts in the book. But the death of ant-man and vision don't really make me want to cry like a baby. But it does leave me intrigued. I'll stick around to see where this is going.

Superman # 207

Superman fighting mutants and finding mass graves. I think terra-man did it!

Green Lantern # 179

I did like this issue more than the last one. Kyle finally standing up and kicking a little ass, too bad that ass had to be John Stewart. This issue and the little preview of green lantern: rebirth in the newest wizard has really got me jazzed. It should be great.

The New Frontier # 5

My favorite book of the week. it was glorious. Hal Jordan in all his glory, it was wonderful. But the single greatest thing in the issue was the panels of wonder woman flying her invisible jet while her blood pools around her. It's an incredible image. Darwyn Cooke as an illustrator and as a writer has really knocked one outta the ball park.

The Captain's Comic Critique

Plastic Man #8

This comic is absolutely hilarious, you should be buying it. I’ll give you a reason why, here's a line from it "In order to save your mother, Abraham Lincoln must die!" seriously, buy this book.

Justice League Elite #1

I should not have bought this. i could have rented return of the living dead 2 with the money.

DC Comics Presents: Green Lantern # 1

My favorite comic of the week. Brian Azzarello's story was wonderful. truly showing the child like kind of silliness a silver age story should have. Hal selling the most powerful weapon in the universe for a dollar. And how could I not mention gorilla grodd in drag trying to buy a ring for himself. Martin Pasko's story was decent, just not as appealing to me as the first story. A gorilla in drag is reason enough to buy this.

Ex Machina # 2

The second issue has kept up with the first in the realm of shock value. I like a book that will make me wonder what the hell I’m going to see on the next page, more comic books should be like that.

Hawkman #30

The Palmiotti / Gray team is really doing some neat work with this book. gritty crime drama and a guy with wings, and they pull it off. Ryan Sook's art is beautiful. I hope this team stays on the book for a long time.

Seaguy # 3

I fucking love Grant Morrison.

The Human Target # 12

This book is quality all the way around. I know Peter Milligan's marvel work is a little like someone paying for a new car (with the exception of X-Statix) but here is where he really shines, i know of Christopher Chance only in passing as a former comic shop employee but he has made the character someone that I care about and both admire and dislike.

The Spectacular Spider-Man # 17

I like Paul Jenkins, but can some one tell me how this ties into avengers disassembled other than the fact Captain America is in it?

The Flash # 212

Woo Hoo! Mirror Master doing some lines of coke!

Cable & Deadpool # 5

can't...fight...compultion...to...buy...mutants...with...guns. but at least patrick zircher's art is nice in some places.

Advenures of Superman # 630

Greg Rucka. I’m very glad you are writing this book. Good old' mxyzptlk. I can just imagine how horrifying and weird it must be if some sort of comical god decided to play tricks on you every ninety days.

Don't judge me unless you have walked in my shoes.

I was just kicking it at home last night when suddenly a loud knock on the door startled me. I slowly crept to the door, looking out I couldn't see anything. Just the fog rolling in from where ever it rolls from. I turn around and head towards the couch when, *knock knock knock* i turn around and I see the single most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Louie Anderson with red eyes and blood pouring from his mouth. "COREY..." he called in that scratchy, high pitched voice of his. "We’ve come to take you home now." i had finally been able to get a hold of my fear when he said that."h-home? I’m already at home, Mr. A-Anderson." the fear still showing through my voice. he didn't respond. he just stared at me through my door. then came the most awful sound. "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" and with that Louie Anderson had just phased through my door and was now in my house. "This be not your home, boy. This is just a place of broken dreams. Our home..... Our home lays beneath realm of time and space.”He said to me.”w-what do you mean, OUR home?" he started to float to me after I asked him that. “We are the eternal void. We are the voices that haunt your nights. We are FOREVER!" and with that he started to put his hands around my head. His body to gyrate and his eyes rolled back in his skull. i tried to raise my hands to fight it off but my body wouldn't respond. Then my eyes could only see white and then a flood of colors and sounds that I don't think any human has ever heard before. The next thing I know I’m awake in my bed. I go about my life the way I did before. But I have to ask myself, is this the real world or just some illusion that has been created by Louie Anderson to drain me of my brain juice? For my own sanity I hope I never find out.

Here are some random thoughts and links.

There is a secret song at the center of the world, and its sound is like razors through flesh.

I ate some chicken at Denny's last night that was covered in mysterious red sauce I think I can see the dead now. I also urinate carrot juice. go figure.

I saw anchorman the other day. If you don't think that movie is fucking hilarious, than there is something wrong with you.

go to this site comic fans. I've been a comic book fan for 15 years, I worked at a comic book store for 7 years, and this site of micro heroes has things that are beyond my knowledge. It’s vast. And barring a few exceptions, everything in there has actually been in a comic.

My brother Chad on Jaws IV: The Revenge , "I don't like movies that have shark vendettas, and yet I do. I have a Dual nature."

I swear when I woke up this morning I saw a four month old baby riding on a big wheel. My first thought was that the super smart babies are here to take over the world. Seriously. I think I've had that fear ever since I saw this movie.

nazi girl bands.

I was bored, and a thought came to my mind. "How would the band the go-go's look if they were Hitler?"



My brother Chad did the Photoshop work.

While this was conceived and created the song "no more tears" by Ozzy Osbourne was playing continuously.

Vincent Price.

Who wouldn't watch something like this?

My thoughts on the possibility of jack black playing green lantern.

  I can understand why the fans don’t want this. They want green lantern to be a massive space epic. I’ve heard fans say it could be on par with star wars. But the plain and simple fact is that most people don’t know green lantern that well. They may remember the symbol, but have no idea who or what he is.  I admit I wouldn’t mind seeing a huge space epic green lantern. But that’s not going to happen. A comedy with jack black, now especially because it’s Kyle Rayner, I could see how funny this would be. Kyle is such the everyman, so now with Jack Black playing him, he’d look like almost every man. Jack Black interacting with aliens and blue dwarfs is well worth the price of admission.